7 Relationship-Based Leadership Strategies for the Modern Leader

Speaker: 00:00:00

Welcome to Equipped for Purpose. I'm your host, Vincent Ream, and this is the podcast

Speaker: 00:00:11

where discipleship meets impactful leadership. Whether you're new to faith or a seasoned

Speaker: 00:00:16

follower of Christ, this podcast is designed to help you deepen your relationship with

Speaker: 00:00:21

Jesus, grow as a leader, and make a difference in every area of your life. Together we'll

Speaker: 00:00:26

explore practical tools, biblical insights, and real-life strategies to equip you for

Speaker: 00:00:32

the purpose God has called you to. Let's dive in.

Speaker: 00:00:46

Welcome to Equipped for Purpose, where we explore how to integrate deep discipleship

Speaker: 00:00:53

with impactful leadership in every area of life. Today, I'm looking into a topic that is

Speaker: 00:01:01

profoundly reshaping our understanding of effective leadership, the undeniable truth that

Speaker: 00:01:07

leadership is a relationship. Our world is increasingly dominated by digital distractions

Speaker: 00:01:15

and isolated interactions. It's easy to get caught up in tasks and metrics and efficiency,

Speaker: 00:01:24

sometimes at the expense of genuine human connection. We face an earnest crisis.

Speaker: 00:01:32

The constant notifications, the endless scrolling, the allure of the screen, these pull us away from

Speaker: 00:01:40

the relationships that matter, fragmenting not just our personal lives but our effectiveness

Speaker: 00:01:47

as leaders. Think about it. How often do we prioritize a quick email over a meaningful

Speaker: 00:01:55

conversation? But what if the key to thriving, both professionally and personally, lies in

Speaker: 00:02:03

something as fundamental as putting people first? Michael Irwin and Willis Duvall in their

Speaker: 00:02:09

insightful book, Leadership is a Relationship, How to Put People First in the Digital World,

Speaker: 00:02:15

they argue that leaders who prioritize relationships have the best chance of succeeding

Speaker: 00:02:21

in the 21st century. So in this episode, I'm exploring why leadership is fundamentally a

Speaker: 00:02:28

relationship and how this truth, rooted in both modern thought and ancient faith,

Speaker: 00:02:34

can transform the way we lead. This isn't a new concept, but its significance is being re-emphasized

Speaker: 00:02:42

in modern leadership thought. Leadership has been studied across centuries and cultures,

Speaker: 00:02:48

reflecting its complex nature. Historically, theories have evolved significantly. We started

Speaker: 00:02:55

with the great man theory, suggesting leaders were born with innate traits such as charisma or

Speaker: 00:03:03

decisiveness. The trait theory followed, focusing on qualities like intelligence or

Speaker: 00:03:10

physical presence. But research showed these traits weren't universal. Context mattered.

Speaker: 00:03:18

And then came the focus on behaviors. What successful leaders do. Studies identified

Speaker: 00:03:24

consideration, care for people, and initiating structure, task focus as key. This shift

Speaker: 00:03:34

suggested leadership could be learned, not just inherited. As studies progressed, contingency

Speaker: 00:03:42

theories emerged, arguing that effectiveness depends on aligning a leader's style with the

Speaker: 00:03:48

situation. Later, the spotlight turned to followers and leadership as a social process.

Speaker: 00:03:58

Theories like leader-member exchange highlighted the interaction between leaders and those being

Speaker: 00:04:04

led. More recently, concepts like transformational leadership, inspiring through shared values,

Speaker: 00:04:14

contrast with transactional leadership which is based on rewards.

Speaker: 00:04:21

This evolution points to a consensus. Leadership is a system of relationships,

Speaker: 00:04:27

not just a solo act. And that's where the book Leadership as a Relationship comes in.

Speaker: 00:04:33

Erwin and Duvall argue that leading requires genuine connection. And their book weaves

Speaker: 00:04:39

interviews with diverse leaders, military officers, educators, and CEOs

Speaker: 00:04:46

who've succeeded in prioritizing people. They offer strategies to combat the information ages

Speaker: 00:04:54

depersonalization like fostering trust over digital noise. Erwin, a founder of

Speaker: 00:05:02

Team Red, White, and Blue and the Positivity Project, learned this at the University of

Speaker: 00:05:07

Michigan under Dr. Chris Peterson who said, quote, other people matter, period, end quote.

Speaker: 00:05:15

That's the soul of their work. Relationships yield the highest return for success and happiness.

Speaker: 00:05:22

So what does this look like in practice? The book outlines seven key functions of relationship-based

Speaker: 00:05:29

leadership. First is accountability. Erwin asserts, quote, brilliant leaders find

Speaker: 00:05:36

contextually relevant and productive ways to inject accountability into their environments,

Speaker: 00:05:42

end quote. So it's not about punishment. It's more effective when relationships are strong.

Speaker: 00:05:50

When a leader cares, the difficult conversations land differently. Imagine a team member

Speaker: 00:05:57

struggling. A connected leader can address it with support, not just critique. And over time,

Speaker: 00:06:04

this builds trust. And when you fail to hold people accountable, trust erodes, as Brene Brown

Speaker: 00:06:11

has noted. Next is forgiveness. Erwin writes, quote, a culture of forgiveness often yields a

Speaker: 00:06:19

culture of bravery, end quote. So when people feel supported, even in failure, they will take bold

Speaker: 00:06:27

risks. Sometimes the expectations of perfection must die. And this is a tough, but essential

Speaker: 00:06:36

shift. Have you ever noticed how the fear of failure stifles creativity?

Speaker: 00:06:43

For example, Colin Powell had an early career mistake, but when forgiven by a mentor,

Speaker: 00:06:49

it shaped his leadership. What the mistake was doesn't matter. What matters is that

Speaker: 00:06:54

forgiveness fosters growth, not just grace. The third is resilience. And Erwin offers,

Speaker: 00:07:03

quote, every story of resilience begins in darkness. It's our response to suffering,

Speaker: 00:07:09

end quote. So what's the key? We are most resilient in community. You can look at,

Speaker: 00:07:16

after a Michigan basketball team's plane crash, their shared survival fueled success.

Speaker: 00:07:22

In organizations, think employee resource groups, spaces where collective strength shines,

Speaker: 00:07:30

remembering adversities easier together. And fourth is trust. Erwin advised, quote,

Speaker: 00:07:39

be forthcoming with your own vulnerability, end quote. Former VA Secretary Bob McDonald insisted on,

Speaker: 00:07:47

to build intimacy. These simple language shifts like saying, let's collaborate instead of stop

Speaker: 00:07:54

silos, build trust. It's about being human first. So what small change could you make to equalize

Speaker: 00:08:02

your team? So the fifth key function of relationship based leadership is coalition building. Erwin

Speaker: 00:08:13

building. Erwin states, quote, you cannot build a coalition without relationships,

Speaker: 00:08:19

end quote. It's slow work. Think sharing tea or a run to find common ground.

Speaker: 00:08:28

Diverse opinions unite through a connection, driving ambitious change.

Speaker: 00:08:36

And now pause here. Who could you connect with to bridge a gap?

Speaker: 00:08:43

Okay. The sixth key function here is loyalty. As Erwin state, it's the glue that holds us together,

Speaker: 00:08:52

but can also trap us if misused. True loyalty prioritizes a person's potential, not just

Speaker: 00:09:00

your goals. Digital tools communicate, but connection demands vulnerability,

Speaker: 00:09:07

like a face-to-face chat, as opposed to a text. And finally, the seventh key function of

Speaker: 00:09:14

relationship based leadership is stability. Erwin says, quote, love shared between people is a

Speaker: 00:09:21

powerful, stabilizing force, end quote. In chaos, relationships ground us, creating healthy cultures

Speaker: 00:09:32

where people can be human, even under pressure. It's not about avoiding turnover. It's about

Speaker: 00:09:39

decency. This practical wisdom rests on academic foundations. So let's go further and explore

Speaker: 00:09:45

three key theories. The first is servant leadership from Robert Greenleaf. And this

Speaker: 00:09:53

really flips the script here. Leaders serve first. They nurture those they are leading to grow,

Speaker: 00:10:00

prioritizing others' needs. Their ethics inspire others to lead. And research shows this aligns

Speaker: 00:10:08

with followers' ideal leader image. Next is followership ties to human needs,

Speaker: 00:10:16

the needs of security, order, and identity. In crises, we seek competent, caring leaders,

Speaker: 00:10:26

like a caregiver in attachment theory. Leaders simplify complexity and give meaning,

Speaker: 00:10:33

becoming symbols we project onto. And the third of these key theories is

Speaker: 00:10:41

relationships theory. It sees leadership as a social process. The entity view examines

Speaker: 00:10:50

individual connections, like leader-member exchange, while the relational view sees it as

Speaker: 00:10:58

collective construction through interaction. Both affirm relationships as leadership's core.

Speaker: 00:11:08

For disciples of Jesus Christ, this isn't just theory. It's faith in action.

Speaker: 00:11:14

When you consider John 13, 34 to 35, that, you know, love one another just as I have loved you.

Speaker: 00:11:21

By this, all people will know you are my disciples. Love underpins servant leadership.

Speaker: 00:11:28

Forgiveness mirrors grace. Ephesians 4.32 says, be kind to one another,

Speaker: 00:11:35

tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

Speaker: 00:11:40

Resilience, it reflects the body of Christ. If one member suffers, all suffer together.

Speaker: 00:11:47

1 Corinthians 12.26. Humility, like call me Bob, echoes Philippians 2.3.

Speaker: 00:11:56

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant

Speaker: 00:12:00

than yourselves. And then going on and inspiring others aligns with Matthew 5.16,

Speaker: 00:12:07

which says, in the same way, let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works

Speaker: 00:12:12

and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. So how do we live this out? I want to give you

Speaker: 00:12:19

eight steps for that. And the first is invest intentionally in relationships. Spend some time

Speaker: 00:12:26

knowing people's stories. Schedule some regular dedicated time for one-on-one conversations with

Speaker: 00:12:34

those you lead or influence. This could be a weekly coffee chat, a monthly lunch, or a quick

Speaker: 00:12:42

15-minute check-in. Consistency and presence are key. Jesus invested deeply in his disciples,

Speaker: 00:12:50

often withdrawing from crowds to teach them privately, as recorded in Mark 4.34,

Speaker: 00:12:55

which says he did not speak to them without a parable, but privately to his own disciples

Speaker: 00:13:00

he explained everything. He knew their stories, their struggles, and their potential. John 13.1

Speaker: 00:13:09

says, now before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out

Speaker: 00:13:14

of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

Speaker: 00:13:21

This is an intentional investment in relationships. Think of someone you lead or influence.

Speaker: 00:13:28

And when was the last time you had a meaningful, non-work-related conversation with them?

Speaker: 00:13:34

What could you do this week to deepen that connection?

Speaker: 00:13:38

Number two, embrace vulnerability and humility. Share a personal story or admit a mistake to

Speaker: 00:13:45

build trust and relatability. For instance, during a team meeting you could discuss a time you failed

Speaker: 00:13:51

in what you learned, showing that growth is a journey. When Peter denied Jesus, Jesus restored

Speaker: 00:13:59

him with love and purpose, rather than shame, a story recorded in John 21.15-19,

Speaker: 00:14:06

which will strengthen bonds through vulnerability. Remember the verse from Philippians 2.3 that I

Speaker: 00:14:13

shared a minute ago that says, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility,

Speaker: 00:14:18

count others more significant than yourselves. And I recall a time when you were vulnerable with

Speaker: 00:14:25

someone. How did it affect your relationship? What's one way you can show vulnerability

Speaker: 00:14:32

this week without oversharing? Number three, cultivate a culture of forgiveness.

Speaker: 00:14:41

Treat mistakes as growth. Support, don't punish, to spark bravery in people.

Speaker: 00:14:47

Practice the 70 x 70 principle from Matthew 18.22 by choosing forgiveness, even when it's tough.

Speaker: 00:14:58

Frame mistakes as growth opportunities rather than failures. After the resurrection, Jesus

Speaker: 00:15:04

forgave his disciples for abandoning him and entrusted them with the Great Commission,

Speaker: 00:15:10

empowering them to lead boldly. Again, I want you to recall a scripture I shared a few minutes ago,

Speaker: 00:15:16

Ephesians 4.32 that says, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God in

Speaker: 00:15:23

Christ forgave you. And then think of a recent situation where forgiveness was needed. How could

Speaker: 00:15:30

you have responded differently to foster growth and bravery? Number four, prioritize community

Speaker: 00:15:37

for resilience. Build teams or groups for shared resilience. Think small gatherings with this.

Speaker: 00:15:46

Join or create a small group, whether at work, church, or in your neighborhood, for sharing

Speaker: 00:15:53

struggles and support. This could be a weekly Bible study, a monthly team lunch, or a virtual

Speaker: 00:16:04

hangout if distance is an obstacle. The early church built resilience by meeting regularly,

Speaker: 00:16:12

devoting themselves to the apostles, teaching and fellowship,

Speaker: 00:16:16

to the breaking of bread into prayer, as recorded in Acts 2.42. Hebrews 10.24-25 says,

Speaker: 00:16:24

and let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet

Speaker: 00:16:30

together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another. That leads me to ask, have you

Speaker: 00:16:36

considered what you could lean on during tough times? How can you create or strengthen a community

Speaker: 00:16:44

that fosters collective resilience? Number five, master affirmative language. Challenge yourself

Speaker: 00:16:53

daily to rephrase negative statements into positive, directive ones. So for example,

Speaker: 00:17:00

instead of don't be late, say, please be on time. Paul urged the Ephesians to use words that build

Speaker: 00:17:07

up saying, let no corrupted talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up

Speaker: 00:17:15

as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4.29. Colossians 4.6

Speaker: 00:17:22

states, let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how

Speaker: 00:17:28

you ought to answer each person. So think of a recent interaction where your words were

Speaker: 00:17:34

more negative than necessary. How could you have used affirmative language to guide toward the

Speaker: 00:17:41

desired behavior? Okay, number six, commit to coalitions. Reach out to someone with a

Speaker: 00:17:49

different perspective or background for a conversation over coffee, a walk, or some

Speaker: 00:17:56

shared activity, focusing on common ground rather than differences. Jesus built coalitions across

Speaker: 00:18:05

divides. He died with tax collectors and sinners, showing that relationships transcend differences.

Speaker: 00:18:14

Psalm 133 verse one says, behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity.

Speaker: 00:18:23

So recall a time when connecting with someone different led to a better outcome.

Speaker: 00:18:29

Who could you reach out to this week to build a bridge?

Speaker: 00:18:34

Number seven, practice relational loyalty. You can show loyalty by supporting someone's growth

Speaker: 00:18:42

or defending their character. For example, you could publicly praise a colleague's contribution

Speaker: 00:18:50

or stand up for a friend when they are not present. Ruth's loyalty to Naomi

Speaker: 00:18:57

in the book of Ruth is illustrated when she says, where you will go, I will go.

Speaker: 00:19:05

This exemplifies commitment that prioritizes another's wellbeing.

Speaker: 00:19:11

Proverbs 17, 17 says, a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.

Speaker: 00:19:20

So think of someone who has shown you loyalty. How did it impact you?

Speaker: 00:19:27

What's one way you can demonstrate loyalty this week?

Speaker: 00:19:31

Finally, number eight, fight digital distraction for presence.

Speaker: 00:19:36

Set some specific device-free times each day. Maybe that's during meals or

Speaker: 00:19:44

conversations or reflection. You can use apps like Freedom or Screen Time to limit distractions.

Speaker: 00:19:52

Jesus modeled undistracted presence by withdrawing to pray, prioritizing connection with God and

Speaker: 00:20:00

others. Psalm 46, 10 states, be still and know that I am God. When was the last time you felt

Speaker: 00:20:10

fully present without digital distractions? How can you create more of those moments this week?

Speaker: 00:20:18

In closing, leadership isn't traits or tasks. It's a living relationship.

Speaker: 00:20:26

For disciples, it's our calling to love, serve, forgive, and connect.

Speaker: 00:20:33

I challenge you, where can you invest deeper? Where can you be more vulnerable? Where can you

Speaker: 00:20:42

offer grace? Step away from screens into the sacred space between people.

Speaker: 00:20:51

When you put people first, you unlock leadership's power and faith's richest joys.

Speaker: 00:21:00

Let's build relationships that transform. I'm really glad you joined me.

Speaker: 00:21:06

And if you enjoyed this, leave a review and share with a friend. Thank you.

Speaker: 00:21:14

Thank you for tuning in to Equipped for Purpose. I hope today's episode was helpful.

Speaker: 00:21:20

It gave you tools and inspiration to deepen your discipleship and strengthen your leadership.

Speaker: 00:21:26

Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you found value in today's

Speaker: 00:21:30

content, share it with someone who could benefit. Let's connect on social media and through my

Speaker: 00:21:35

website. And remember, you are being equipped for a purpose. Go make an impact.